What about some of the shit my dad says?

Try to keep in mind some of this is translated from Spanish:

"No one's gonna know you're fourteen in that blazer and the lipstick! Just walk in confidently. Here's some money for roulette, I know its your favorite. I'll be at the blackjack table."

"I hate alien movies. People are so prejudiced against aliens. Why are they always depicting them as evil?! It makes me angry!!"

"I don't understand American women. They say no to me, then they go make out with their dogs."

"I can meditate for 20 hours then levitate. I would show you but you would get scared."

"You were always afraid of everything, even the bubble bath"

"Don't go to college. All you do there is read. I had a cousin who read so much he lost his mind."

"Why are people afraid of ghosts? I wish so badly a ghost would come talk to me right now."

"You just called me while I was in Samadhi, this is the highest state of enlightenment. No you're not interrupting me, on the contrary, I love to talk while in Samadhi."

"I'm sorry that I hit on your best friend from college. I've changed. I like a woman now who is almost fifty. She has a belly."

"You focus too much on looks. What you need is an ugly man who will take good care of you."

"Now, Charles Bronson, that's a real man."

"Kissing can give you cavities. It's disgusting."