There he was. An earnest-looking young man on the subway. He had the look of someone who'd just arrived in New York from the land of corn. Somewhere open and expansive. His skin didn't have that greenish cast all us New Yorkers get during the winter months (no matter what ethnic/racial background we all manage to look green this time of year). He gallantly stands up for a young woman to offer up his seat up. This plain young woman, obviously unaccustomed to gentlemanly behavior sits down looking awkward and confused. He doesn't want anything from her. Just offering his seat. Doin' gentlemanly things.
In his hands, this young man holds a book. I always check out what other people are reading (I never read anything so I read other people's book covers instead). The book's title: "How to Stop Acting". On the book's cover is an older-looking man who slightly resembles Steven Spielberg. He frames his face with his hands (think Vogueing). This book really gets me thinking. A book on acting explaining how to stop acting. Huh.
I take this whole thing pretty personally because I too was once like this young man, spending money on all kinds of acting books; how to's, how not to's, monologue books, scene study books, break-into-the business books. And it wasn't just the books- there were headshots, classes, clothes I would only need for that one audition where I play a hooker/cop. I was pretty much going broke desperately trying to learn how to stop acting and become authentic-as a hooker/cop, naturally.
Here's the problem with that. Most people who want to be actors don't know how to be authentic. Actor-types probably all grew up like I did; playing roles constantly while checking yourself in mirrors to see what that looked like.
You know this is all you want to do with your life and vow to take this craft extremely seriously so you enroll in one class after another. Here you endure countless hours of humiliation intermingled with nursery school coddling.
A typical New York acting class is meant to break you down completely. Strip you of all those "acts" you've been working on your entire life. Everything you ever did to get attention-that integral driving force within every actor is yanked away piece by painful piece till you are nothing but an open, bloody pulp laying on the floor. "Okay, NOW do the scene!" your teacher will excitedly say.
Of course, we are all terrified of our acting teachers. This is generally what defines a great teacher. He or she should be the most intimidating human being you've ever encountered. You begin to live for their approval. The small moments of praise you receive from your acting teacher become the only moments you are truly happy or feel worthy. You begin to crave this praise constantly. Every time you go up to show your work you know you will either come out feeling like a genius, or go home to die small deaths till next week's class where you might redeem yourself.
This is really hard on anyone who is dating an actor or married to one. You are up or down and they can't do a damn thing about it. They don't understand! They lead mundane lives. Free of humiliation and glory.
In class, we watch terrified as our fellow classmates go up to do a scene. One poor guy goes up to play George from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf". He's doing fine. Fine, for Wisconsin.
Suddenly, our demi-god-acting-teacher stands up in a fury and kicks this poor guy in the balls. "Do you feel that?!!" he asks enraged. Said student is now laying on the floor in fetal position. "That's how emasculated George feels by Martha! Look at you, you pussy!!". Finally, the student begins to cry. "Okay, now you're ready to do the scene! Now!" The student gets up. "Wait! Hold on a minute. You're what? 24? Your grandfather still alive?" The student nods his head no. "Good. You remember what he walked like? How he moved?" The student nods his head yes. "Okay, use your dead grandfather's body. But don't forget what a minion small piece of shit man you are. And...go!".
We all watch in amazement. By the end of the scene several of us are crying. Our genius teacher has done it again. This boy from Iowa now knows the pain of a has-been, aging, emasculated professor. It's incredible. It's painful. But at some point, you gotta wonder what the point is...at least, I did.
I started acting to escape pain. I wanted to be on a sitcom. This shit... I didn't need this shit. I was already an emotional mess, did I really need to get my mind fucked with weekly? These other kids, the ones who'd led fairly pleasant lives up until then and now got beaten up emotionally every week- this may have been novel for them. They hang on to it longer than I do. But, eventually many of them give it up too.
Let's face it, at some point, the debts pile up, the therapy bills aren't getting any cheaper; we know its time to look into other options. I run into some of my old classmates now and again. They're doing all sorts of things. We talk about what those things are for a bit and then say our goodbyes.
Some of them are still at it. Some are actually working on tv. I can't help but get excited every time I see one of them on the tube. You see them on Weeds and think, wow, they really stuck it out! Maybe I shoulda held on a little longer...
This thought only lasts for a moment. See, I know deep down that I could never, ever "stop acting".
NYC-Subway Talent
It's really too bad I shot this with my shitty Android phone and the quality is so poor. You miss just how truly amazing this guy is. Do you have any idea how hard it is to rub your belly while doing a turn to a beat? Yeah. You try that.
The Megan Fox Backlash
When Megan Fox first came on the scene, I'll admit, I was not a fan. I thought, I can't be friends with this girl, she'd definitely steal my boyfriend (yeah I know, but if I had one she would).
Anyway, suddenly all this stuff started to emerge in the press about all the crazy stuff she said, and I started to have a change of heart. I was like, this chic is kinda nutty, and I kinda dig it. We could mos def be bff's, after all. So, just as I'm fantasizing about how Meg and I would go out drinking together and talk weirdo-style (my fave!), I start hearing all these guys hating on her.
A few weeks ago some guy we were hanging out with said that Megan Fox was a stupid, slutty, bitch. Whoa! Hold the cell phone pal. First off, I don't recall Meg Fox promising anyone she was smart. Second, how come she's supposed to hang around half naked making guys think about sex, but act like she's totally oblivious to it? Now, that to me would seem pretty stupid. Obviously, she's gonna talk about the obvious.
And, bitch? C'mon. We all have our bad days. My girlfriend who I was with that night works in film and said that most actors she works with are nightmares. She went on to say it was most likely that either Meg Fox didn't sleep with someone really important, or, she has a terrible publicist. I think both. She probably didn't fuck her publicist.
I'm still with you, girl. For today, anyway. Don't do something really terrible over the weekend. It could start to get difficult to defend you all the time. And, I really wouldn't want it to put a strain on our friendship.
xoxo gigi
Anyway, suddenly all this stuff started to emerge in the press about all the crazy stuff she said, and I started to have a change of heart. I was like, this chic is kinda nutty, and I kinda dig it. We could mos def be bff's, after all. So, just as I'm fantasizing about how Meg and I would go out drinking together and talk weirdo-style (my fave!), I start hearing all these guys hating on her.
A few weeks ago some guy we were hanging out with said that Megan Fox was a stupid, slutty, bitch. Whoa! Hold the cell phone pal. First off, I don't recall Meg Fox promising anyone she was smart. Second, how come she's supposed to hang around half naked making guys think about sex, but act like she's totally oblivious to it? Now, that to me would seem pretty stupid. Obviously, she's gonna talk about the obvious.
And, bitch? C'mon. We all have our bad days. My girlfriend who I was with that night works in film and said that most actors she works with are nightmares. She went on to say it was most likely that either Meg Fox didn't sleep with someone really important, or, she has a terrible publicist. I think both. She probably didn't fuck her publicist.
I'm still with you, girl. For today, anyway. Don't do something really terrible over the weekend. It could start to get difficult to defend you all the time. And, I really wouldn't want it to put a strain on our friendship.
xoxo gigi
Be Seen And Not Heard-And Not Seen Too Much Either
I've been thinking lately about how women who keep quiet about their achievements, or just keep quiet in general, are generally idolized in our society. Its all about being low-key.
Let's start with Penny on Inspector Gadget. Gadget, always the bumbling fool, while Penny, his adorable niece solves all the crimes behind the scenes, never outs her uncle. She teaches young women everywhere to stand behind your man. And, maybe even hide sometimes.
Next up, Meg White. Everyone loves her silence. She doesn't say anything, she just adorably drums away while Jack stands in the spotlight. This makes her "rad".
Clara Bow. Big star in the 20's. Just watch one of her movies. Not a peep comes out of this chic's mouth. Ever. Although, they do add subtitles to let you know she's got some thoughts.
Zoe Deschanel. Yeah, she talks, but it's all monotone, so it's more like white noise.
Barbara Bush. Did she ever say a single word in eight years? Not, that I can recall. And, she is one of the best-loved first ladies of all time.
Henrietta on Mr. Rogers. She was a cat and all she could do was meow-meow. Big hit. Big.
Nell. She just made noises. This was soothing and non-threatening. "Chicawaaaaa, chicawaaaay".
And, of course Melanie vs. Scarlett from "Gone With The Wind". Sure, Scarlett learned in the end, but a little too late. Everything had gone to shit and Rhett was goners. He always told her she'd never be half the woman Melanie was. Melanie died in childbirth enduring to the bitter end with no complaints.
Well, that's all for today. I will now shut the fuck up.
Let's start with Penny on Inspector Gadget. Gadget, always the bumbling fool, while Penny, his adorable niece solves all the crimes behind the scenes, never outs her uncle. She teaches young women everywhere to stand behind your man. And, maybe even hide sometimes.
Next up, Meg White. Everyone loves her silence. She doesn't say anything, she just adorably drums away while Jack stands in the spotlight. This makes her "rad".
Clara Bow. Big star in the 20's. Just watch one of her movies. Not a peep comes out of this chic's mouth. Ever. Although, they do add subtitles to let you know she's got some thoughts.
Zoe Deschanel. Yeah, she talks, but it's all monotone, so it's more like white noise.
Barbara Bush. Did she ever say a single word in eight years? Not, that I can recall. And, she is one of the best-loved first ladies of all time.
Henrietta on Mr. Rogers. She was a cat and all she could do was meow-meow. Big hit. Big.
Nell. She just made noises. This was soothing and non-threatening. "Chicawaaaaa, chicawaaaay".
And, of course Melanie vs. Scarlett from "Gone With The Wind". Sure, Scarlett learned in the end, but a little too late. Everything had gone to shit and Rhett was goners. He always told her she'd never be half the woman Melanie was. Melanie died in childbirth enduring to the bitter end with no complaints.
Well, that's all for today. I will now shut the fuck up.
Conversation with My Dog Theo
Me: Theo, am I the greatest owner ever or what?
Theo: You're pretty good.
Me: Pretty good? That's gratitude. Who fed you yesterday?
Theo: You. And, about that. When you run out of dog food, I don't like that whole cereal mixed with a can of tuna thing you do. Just FYI.
Me: But, you ate it right up!
Theo: Well, I'm a dog. I'll eat anything. I'd just prefer something better.
Me: Done! Anything else?
Theo: Well, now that we are on the subject, I am still upset about that time last week when you tied me up outside the deli and forgot about it until you got home.
Me: I had a lot on my mind that day! Plus, I came back didn't I??
Theo: Also, when you come home drunk late and think I want to cuddle... you'd be wrong about that.
Me: Geez. It's like you don't even like me.
Theo: Love you. Just telling you some stuff I need to get off my chest.
Me: So, you're still glad I'm the one who rescued you from that shelter in West Covina, right?
Theo: Absolutely! And, like you always tell me, "I'm the most special because you chose me".
Me: Actually, I didn't. Your deadbeat dad did. I didn't think you had much of a personality. See, while all the other pups were playing, you did nothing but sleep. But, I've come to see this as a blessing since we now live in a small apartment in Brooklyn.
Theo: That's...sweet. Hey, Gigi?
Me: Yeah?
Theo: I'm glad you're my owner. But, I'm also glad you don't have kids yet.
Theo: You're pretty good.
Me: Pretty good? That's gratitude. Who fed you yesterday?
Theo: You. And, about that. When you run out of dog food, I don't like that whole cereal mixed with a can of tuna thing you do. Just FYI.
Me: But, you ate it right up!
Theo: Well, I'm a dog. I'll eat anything. I'd just prefer something better.
Me: Done! Anything else?
Theo: Well, now that we are on the subject, I am still upset about that time last week when you tied me up outside the deli and forgot about it until you got home.
Me: I had a lot on my mind that day! Plus, I came back didn't I??
Theo: Also, when you come home drunk late and think I want to cuddle... you'd be wrong about that.
Me: Geez. It's like you don't even like me.
Theo: Love you. Just telling you some stuff I need to get off my chest.
Me: So, you're still glad I'm the one who rescued you from that shelter in West Covina, right?
Theo: Absolutely! And, like you always tell me, "I'm the most special because you chose me".
Me: Actually, I didn't. Your deadbeat dad did. I didn't think you had much of a personality. See, while all the other pups were playing, you did nothing but sleep. But, I've come to see this as a blessing since we now live in a small apartment in Brooklyn.
Theo: That's...sweet. Hey, Gigi?
Me: Yeah?
Theo: I'm glad you're my owner. But, I'm also glad you don't have kids yet.
The Future is Now!
If you've never seen the film Logan's Run, the 1976 sci-fi classic, I strongly recommend it. My friend Paris brought over one night a while back and I was immediately struck by how accurately the future as we know it now is portrayed in this movie. The world is dictated by pleasure and the landscape strongly resembles a gigantic Vegas shopping mall. People communicate by typing on little gadgets (texting), and the citizens regularly go in for face and body morphs when they are bored or unhappy with their looks (plastic surgery). You also have computers that bring you lovers (internet porn). It all seems like the perfect world- except the big catch is that everyone is forced into mandatory euthanasia when they hit 30. The protagonist of the film is a "runner". You see, Logan is 29 and tomorrow is his 30th birthday...tum tum tum. Lucky for me, this has not become a part of the future (yet) or I'd be dead meat. Also, notice how in the beginning of this trailer those people floating from above making figures resemble a Cirque De Soleil show. More proof that Vegas and Cirque De Soleil are just trying to distract us from our impending decay and inevitable death. Never did like or trust those Cirque De Soliel shows....
NY!
I remember...
Subway tokens
When Soho was desolate
Thinking Mayor Ed Koch was super-cool, especially after that claymation video of him came out
Graffiti on the subways
Going to the Limelight in the 1900's (before it was a rundown sample sale space)
My dad making me close my eyes when drove along the westside highway cause the tranny hookers only wore lingerie in the streets
When Ave. B was really scary, C was taking big risks...
Going to comedy clubs in the W.Village because they were the only places that served minors
Patricia Field's was like a fantasy land for a high school girl- and Sex and the City was light years away...
All the boys got their hair cut at Astor Place
Subway tokens
When Soho was desolate
Thinking Mayor Ed Koch was super-cool, especially after that claymation video of him came out
Graffiti on the subways
Going to the Limelight in the 1900's (before it was a rundown sample sale space)
My dad making me close my eyes when drove along the westside highway cause the tranny hookers only wore lingerie in the streets
When Ave. B was really scary, C was taking big risks...
Going to comedy clubs in the W.Village because they were the only places that served minors
Patricia Field's was like a fantasy land for a high school girl- and Sex and the City was light years away...
All the boys got their hair cut at Astor Place
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