Soup

I totally blame my failures on my culture. I know that may seem like a lame cop-out, but you tell me, what would become of you if you were raised to believe the highest form of achievement was eating soup? Latin people love soup-eating children. It's like, if you love soup, you can do no wrong. It didn't matter if I won the science fair (which I never did), but my soup-eating cousin who was failing every subject was the talk of the family, "Ay! Look how Manolito loves his soup!". Fat fucker.

Then, just because I never joined a gang, ended up in jail, rehab, or got knocked up, they all thought I was a fucking genius! They would go on and on about how brilliant I was. I was like, "Guys! I'm not that great- just compared to you". 

Naturally this gave me an over-inflated sense of self. Eating soup really doesn't get you very far. Its a harsh reality to wake up to. The world expects more from you than soup-eating and staying out of serious trouble.