"Since you are so good with the internet, I want you to teach me how to use craigslist."
"I always want to improve myself, so please tell me if I have bad breath or you don't like my shirt. Believe me, I can take it."
"No more guys with tattoos. No more tattoos and no more homeless!"
"The whole entire family can't believe you're not married yet. We can't understand what your problem is, we discuss it a lot, but we still haven't figured it out."
"Most married people I know are so goddamned miserable and lead miserable lives."
"I already know what this whole, entire universe is about."
*Just in case your wondering why I don't quote my mom, its because she gets her own entire book. Yes indeed, been working on it for a while now...